Fuck Bill Simmons.
I like the (concept of the) trade machine, though. I just don't think anything I plug into it is anything more than the work of a hyperactive mind. So without further ado here's the first ridiculous trade of the year, a whopping 7-teamer that is SURE TO HAPPEN between the Washington Bullets, Orlando Magics, Philadelphia 76ers, New Jersey Nets, Denver Nuggets, Charlotte Bobcats and Utah Jazz. BOOM.
(Note that I can't actually use the trade machine for this gem of a deal.)
THE DEAL:
Bullets get: Vince Carter
Magics get: Gilbert Arenas, Andre Iguodala
76ers get: Brandon Bass, JR Smith, Troy Murphy, Kris Humphries
Nets get: Jameer Nelson, Carmelo Anthony, Elton Brand
Nuggets get: Derrick Favors, Andre Kirilenko
Bobcats get: Devin Harris, Quinton Ross
Jazz get: Boris Diaw
(And the monies pretty much work out. Hence the inclusion of Kris Humphries and Quinton Ross)
WHY DO IT:
Bullets
Seems like getting rid of Gil has to be done, as much as it pains me to say it. I('d) wish him all the best - and Orlando would be perfect, especially in this scenario. Buy out Wince and go about your business, 'cause I don't see how he'd be any better inside that locker room than Gil (supposedly) is.
Magics
First off, Bass is wasting valuable time in the depths of Orlando's bizarre offense, so he has to be traded somehow. I want to see the Gil/Larry Hughes backcourt recreated and Gil/Iggy would effectively do that. No brainer for Orlando.
76ers
Iggy and Evan Turner won't mesh well. It sounds cliche by now but I've been saying it since day one. And in this scenario, they get rid of Elton Brand's nightmare of a deal, and get back a bunch of expiring contracts. Plus, Bass gives 'em a lot of what they wanted out of Brand anyway, only he's younger/more fit to play on the run. Find a couple first rounders (which I'm not including in this deal) and this can work.
Nets
Melo and Jameer? Yea, I think that's worth taking on Brand's deal. And who knows, maybe he can resuscitate his career somewhat. He'd be a great fit.
Nuggets
Here, not only do they get what they originally would've got under that four-team deal, but they also move the $6 million owed to JR Smith (something they're looking to do). It's not the greatest, but it's not too bad, either (with the picks that, again, I'm not including).
Bobcats
As I said previously, I love Devin Harris in Charlotte. They need a scorer with Stephen Jackson getting old.
Jazz
Money.
I have no idea why I just wrote this PLEASE START THE SEASON NOW
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