2010 NFL Draft

I kinda forgot that the draft was today... so I'm playing GM for the first round (no trades).

1. St. Louis Rams - Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma - I came really close to taking Ndamukong Suh here since he's an absolute BEAST, but I happen to like Bradford a lot. I don't think his body is injury prone necessarily, I just think he's a bit of a pussy, and that can be cured - either by coaches or an o-line. They have no o-line, which is the main reason why I considered Suh here, but I'm going with the QB.
2. Detroit Lions - Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska - Flat out, Suh is a monster. The fact that there's even a question between Suh and Oklahoma's Gerald McCoy makes zero sense.
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Eric Berry, S, Tennessee - There's no question that Berry is taking over where Ed Reed leaves off, however soon that may be. I realize this is traditionally too early for a safety, but tradition is what holds EVERYONE back in the draft. I still want my Redskins to take Berry if he's available.
4. Washington Redskins - Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State - I don't know anything about these o-linemen, so I'm gonna have to go by what people are saying on all of them. Okung seems like the best combination of sure-thing and upside, so he's the pick. However, I've heard that the Skins are actually targeting Oklahoma's Trent Williams.
*EDIT: Michael Smith says the Skins are actually looking at Berry! I just punched your mom in celebration.
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma - The Chiefs need to find a left tackle since by all accounts (that I've read) Brandon Albert was a failure and will be moved back to guard. Williams is the best pick here.
6. Seattle Seahawks - Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma - I don't care what everyone else is saying, their d-line is porous and McCoy would be a huge help.
7. Cleveland Browns - Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State - Character issues aside, Bryant is a monster. And I seriously doubt Cleveland is fine (they shouldn't be) heading in to the season with Josh Cribbs and Mohamed Massaquoi as their starting WRs.
8. Oakland Raiders - Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa - I don't want to be GM for the Raiders so I'm giving them another Iowa tackle who will probably wind up moving to guard.
9. Buffalo Bills - Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers - The Bills need protection for their QB before they trot one out to be slaughtered.
10. Jacksonville Jaguars - Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech - Seems like Derrick Harvey was a foolish choice (remember they moved up to 8 to take him) and even though they signed Aaron Kampman, Morgan is too good to pass on here.
11. Denver Broncos - Rolando McClain, ILB, Alabama - Denver needs a middle linebacker and McClain is an exceptional football player. Fuck you Giants, you're not getting this one.
12. Miami Dolphins - Jerry Hughes, OLB, TCU - Absurdly underrated in my opinion; he's perfect to fill the void left by the departed Jerry Porter.
13. San Francisco 49ers - Earl Thomas, S, Texas - The 9ers need a safety, and Thomas is a stud. With no o-tackle or QB worth taking here, it's a pretty easy pick. Dan Williams was considered.
14. Seattle Seahawks - CJ Spiller, RB, Clemson - Seattle needs a RB desperately, and Spiller will be their return man as well. Too much value here.
15. New York Giants - Mike Iupati, G, Idaho - Giants need a guard and Iupati is a guard. I dunno, it's kinda unfair that this team is drafting so early. Unfortunately they'll probably wind up with McClain and he'll obviously be a stud.
16. Tennessee Titans - Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida - Tennessee plucks another gem here, there's no way Jeff Fisher wouldn't turn him into a pro-bowler.
17. San Francisco 49ers - Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee - So they wind up with Williams here anyway. I don't know who Aubrayo Franklin is, so if he's good I'm sorry. But he sounds like a bum.
18. Pittsburgh Steelers - Joe Haden, CB, Florida - Looks like they need a quarterback, but I think they've learned their lesson on fratboy douchebags and will pass on Clausen. And it's my pick anyway and I'm not coming near that fucker. Haden fills a need and his draft value is falling because of a low 40 time. Normally I wouldn't care, but a 4.7?
19. Atlanta Falcons - Brandon Graham, DE/OLB, Michigan - Apparently he was primarily a linebacker at UM, but at 268 he can play DE for the Falcons, who need to add a pass rusher (and an outside linebacker for that matter).
20. Houston Texans - Kareem Jackson, CB, Alabama - With Dunta Robinson gone the Texans are in dire need of a corner.
21. Cincinnati Bengals - Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma - Everyone's talking about a need for a young receiver here, and I was tempted to put Arrelious Benn here, but I don't get it. Tight end IS a need, and Gresham is a beast. I'd like to see Cincy maybe make a move for Eric Berry, give Marvin Lewis his Ed Reed.
22. New England Patriots - Sergio Kindle, OLB, Texas - Good fit on the outside for the Pats. They'll probably do their usual take someone nobody's ever heard of or trade this pick for 18 future first rounders.
23. Green Bay Packers - Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise State - Al Harris is a ghost at this point so corner is a priority. Also considered RB Ryan Matthews.
24. Philadelphia Eagles - Sean Weatherspoon, OLB, Missouri - There's about a zero percent chance that the Eagles remain in this slot. I'm going with Weatherspoon over TCU's Daryl Washington because they need size, and and Washington, nor newcomer Ernie Sims, provides that.
25. Baltimore Ravens - Arrelious Benn, WR, Illinois - Sure they just traded for Boldin, but Benn is easily the best player available in my eyes (he's criminally underrated) and nobody else really fills a need who would be worthy of this slot.
26. Arizona Cardinals - Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - Haha.
27. Dallas Cowboys - Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland - Clowns. Campbell is a workout warrior so that's grand. Fuck Dallas (they need a tackle though).
28. San Diego Chargers - Jahvid Best, RB, Cal - I like Best to become the best RB out of this class. If I'm remembering correctly, the Chargers have a great strength and conditioning program, which is what he needs most, seeing as how he's been resurrected from the dead.
29. New York Jets - Jared Odrick, DT, Penn State - Rex Ryan would probably murder Taylor Mays during training camp. Odrick would wind up a DE in their 3-4, where he'd be a perfect fit. I'd be terrifying if the Jets made a move to get Eric Berry. If these guys did that, man that'd be unfair.
30. Minnesota Vikings - Ryan Matthews, RB, Fresno State - They need to add a running back or Adrian Peterson would kill himself. Where's Ontario Smith when you need him? (Seriously, what happened to that guy? Is he partying with Maurice Clarett?)
31. Indanapolis Colts - Rodger Saffold, OT, Indiana - He played in Indiana. Cool.
32. New Orleans Saints - Daryl Washington, OLB, TCU - Wanna know who the Saints' outside 'backers are? Scott Shanle and, now listen closely, Jo-Lonn Dunbar. WHAT THE FUCK. Easiest pick of the draft. Colt McCoy is a possibility, however, with Drew Brees on the cover of Madden '11. Brees would make for a great mentor to McCoy, tho he may have a difficult time working with him in his full-body cast.

Teams with no first round picks:
Chicago Bears - The Bears need a receiver. DESPERATELY. Move up and take one. They also need a safety. Maybe Major Wright out of Florida could be the pick at 75 (their first pick).
Carolina Panthers - They need defensive line help, and a quarterback. Carlos Dunlap could be an interesting replacement for Julius Peppers. And Tony Pike might be a nice fit since they already have an extraordinary offensive line in place.

Notes:
-The Tebow pick was actually somewhat serious. The Cardinals desperately need a QB now, and that's how much I hate Jimmy Clausen.
-Shoutout to Harry Von Kann, receiver out of Kenyon College. Good luck this weekend.

I guess that's it. Now it's time for you to tell me why I'm an idiot. And if you do, you can go fuck yourself.